It's Tuesday. Dun Dun DUN!

     I had my first aerobics class yesterday. It was mostly an orientation and review of the syllabus. They actually have a pretty diverse schedule lined up for the next 5 weeks. The instructors are a team of two bouncy, overly chipper women. One has been an aerobics instructor for 30+ years and the other is her graduate assistant.

      There are lots of younger girls in their Lycra and under armor coordinating outfits but there are a fair amount of older women with just as much aches, pains, and arthritis as me. This is promising. I think I'll be in their group for the "fun runs."

     We jump right into the curriculum today starting with a step test. I have no idea what this means. I'm assuming it involves an endurance test for how high and how long we can use the step up block things. I have no idea what they are called but I used to see them tucked away in a corner of the gyms on base gathering dust because aerobics classes did not exist in military base gyms.

     Today Rob will be picking Zac and me up for what I am affectionately calling "Viking PT." Still scared shitless about it but I'm going to do it anyways. I'm hoping that the combination of this aerobics class and the viking PT will not be too much.  I've been hydrating as much as I can stand. sticking to mostly protein foods and I'll have a few carbs before we go.  I actually don't feel right for going because I don't have any money to give him for gas.

      I also have to squeeze in study and homework time as well as sewing and crochet time because all of my bills are paid  and I have some groceries in the pantry but, it is only the 9th of the month and I'm already more than broke. I'm thankful that I have 10 bucks on an HEB card so I can have enough gas to get to school this week. I may have to find out if and when the bus to Austin stops in Kyle this summer. I may be spending even more hours on campus. Those hours would not be wasted though. I can spend them on homework or hand sewing.

     The combination of stress and extreme physical activity will either make me stronger or break me. I have been hospitalized for exhaustion before. That's one thing I absolutely cannot afford.

   I have a few projects to finish up that haven't been paid yet. That will be good money for gas and other expenses. Zac has horns to carve and I can make a living out of nothing. I have always been able to pull money out of my ass somehow. I am thankful that I have fairly lucrative skills.  In the right circumstances. I'll patch jeans, hem pants, make new garments, crochet weird shit, or simple stuff too, the name of my business is indeed "You like it? I make it."

   I did not write this blog for sympathy or handouts. I rarely accept either of those things. I write because I tend to be more eloquent when I write rather than when I speak. This is just a record of my personal journey. Its truth from my life. I work. Its who I am. I am a work horse. I always have the plow to my shoulder and I am always pulling or pushing away at the task at hand. The weight of the world is on my shoulders. I feel I am responsible for everything. It is my lot in life and I have felt this way since I was a very small child.

   This drives Zac absolutely mad. He hates seeing me stressed out. He hates seeing me take joy in only a very select few things. Creating and designing new garb is one of them. Jomsborg is another, actually Jomsborg is at the top of my list right now in the happy things list. Its making up for the void of being able to walk through the mountains of Virginia enjoying unpolluted wilderness and hanging out with my brother and parents. The Jomsborg, even though I have only known them for a few months, are my family. The family I get to see and hang out with every week. I have Glenn's family in Shertz. I miss them, I don't get to see them regularly though.

     I posted a quote on Facebook a little while ago. "Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." We have always made it through before. We will make it through this time. We always do.